Throughout history, people have been describing the existence of two complementary, yet distinctly different principles that make up our entire universe. Some call them Yin and Yang. Some call them Mother Earth and Father Sky. Some call them left and right brain, while others refer to them as Divine Mother and Divine Father. No matter what you call them, all these terms signify that in all of existence there are two fundamental creative principles: the masculine and the feminine.
These two archetypal modalities exist in every aspect of creation and they also exist inside of you. They dwell in your body, in your mind, and in the depths of your psyche. When we refer to the masculine and feminine principles inside of us, we use the terms inner male and inner female. Fundamentally, your inner male is the way you give to the world, and your inner female is the way you receive from the world. Your inner male and inner female exist within you regardless of your sexual orientation and gender identification. They are fundamentally important to your internal well-being and to your success in the world because everything that you create, as well as how you organize your life, depend on the interplay between the two.
Your inner male and female can be sacred lovers or embattled adversaries
If your inner male and your inner female are both developed, healthy and powerful, they will be harmonious and collaborative with each other. Then they become your “Sacred Lovers Within,” an infinite source of loving power that gives you self-confidence, makes your relationships more intimate, your work more fulfilling, and your life more meaningful.
With these two powerful allies active within your psyche, you are able to cope with life’s challenges with vitality in your body, love in your heart and tranquility in your mind. Your Sacred Lovers Within give you the inner structure, that is to say, the internal psychological building blocks, to truly manifest your dreams in the world and fulfill your purpose in life.
On the other hand, if your inner male and inner female have been crippled by traumas you have suffered, they become frozen in dysfunctional patterns and stop their development at an immature stage. Weakened by fear and anger because of abuse or other traumas, they are thrown out of balance with each other and become adversarial instead of collaborative. This conflictual relationship and jostling for power over each other also occurs when your inner male and inner female have been forced to mold themselves to false roles imposed on men and women by our patriarchal society.
These wounded aspects of your inner male and inner female need to be healed, matured and harmonized, otherwise your life will be fraught with inner conflicts, chaos, drama, unstable relationships, frustration, and patterns that undermine your success. When the inner male and inner female are in conflict, coping with the challenges that life inevitably presents becomes a continuous uphill battle.
How your inner male and inner female complement each other
The first step to healing the wounded aspects of your inner male and inner female is to understand their complementary functions and their correct collaborative relationship with each other.
The inner female
The function of the inner female is to be receptive. As I described in my article, Why Your Inner Male And Inner Female Have Nothing To Do With Gender, the inner female connects you with your internal world of feelings, inspiration and inner guidance. Your inner world is the mysterious realm of intuitions and sensitivity that often expresses non-linearly through archetypal symbols, such as in dreams. The inner female is the realm of emotions and sudden insights that are perceived like internal illuminations that bring clarity to a problem you could not have resolved rationally.
Your inner female points out similarities, and wants unification. Through her you find connection with others and feel compassion and a desire to nurture life. She is the one that leads you to be still and to hear the whispers of the spirit, yet it is also through her that you can drop down into the sensations of your body and experience comfort and a sense of belonging to nature and the physical world. But to function and act in the outer world, she needs the inner male.
The inner male
The function of your inner male is to be the giver. Your inner male is focused externally and is the one who springs into effective actions and impacts the outer world by externalizing your talents and abilities. He resolves problems in a linear, logical way by identifying, separating, and compartmentalizing the individual parts of a whole, and then reorganizing the pieces in order to get you where you want to go. Through your inner male your life becomes structured and disciplined so that you can achieve your goals in the outer world in the quickest, most efficient way. Through him you honor the sacredness of life with action-oriented service. Your inner male gives you the impulse to protect life. But without the guidance of the inner female, the inner male is like the proverbial bull in a china shop.
The correct relationship between your inner male and female
You can see that your inner male and your inner female are two aspects of yourself that are complementary and need each other to be complete. Your inner male needs the sensitivity of your inner female to point him in the right direction, otherwise you will achieve the wrong goal, and this will make you feel miserable and off-course even if you are successful. Your inner female needs your inner male to outwardly express her creative urges, otherwise you will feel stifled and depressed.
Without the guidance of your inner female, your inner male is like a rocket without a navigation system. Without the correct action of your inner male, your inner female is like a navigation system without fuel in the rocket. When the rocket is well fueled, and the navigation system is on target, the sky is the limit.
In order to achieve a harmonious collaboration, your inner male and female must relate to each other in complementary, mutually beneficial ways. Your inner male must listen to the wisdom of your inner female, who is connected to the true guidance of your soul and who always takes the well-being of the whole into consideration. Without discounting her, your inner male must take action in the external world and implement her desires. As a result, you feel productive and create an abundance of success and accomplishments in a way that feels nurturing to you, and is in harmony with your purpose in life.
Your inner female must be open and receptive to the fruits of the inner male’s labor and nurture him with stillness, sensuality and intimacy. This enables you to feel perfectly comfortable doing nothing, and just resting and renewing yourself. In addition, your inner female opens you to experience intimacy with yourself and your deeper emotions, as well as with the people you love, such as your partner, your family and your friends. The stronger and more protective your inner male is, the safer your inner female will feel to open up and receive. Then you will be able to be vulnerable and receive the love that is offered to you without fear.
Your inner female is like a beautiful climbing rose, rooted in the soil of the earth and opened to receive the rays of the sun and the droplets of rain from the sky, connected with the whole of what surrounds her. Your inner male is like a trellis, a structure that supports and creates order and gives of his strength. The trellis without the rose would be stark, dry and rigid. The climbing rose without the trellis would collapse into a messy in-grown bramble. Together they create a glorious arch of magnificent beauty and formidable strength. Together they are the Sacred Lovers Within.
Image credits: Header image detail from The Kiss by Gustav Klimpt; Birds by Mali Maeder; Rose & Trellis by Tiziana DellaRovere.